The candles are lit and I smell like I just rolled through a lavender field while  smeared in pumpkin pie — the chosen arousal scents for men. THIS is where the magic happens and all I’m missing is the music. Everyone’s got their own groovin’ mixtape and there’s a bunch of bread online that tells you what they think a girl would like to hear.

I’m going to tell you what this girl likes to hear :: boom chicka bow-wow ::

• Alannah Myles: Black Velvet
  This song is sexy, sultry, and her voice sounds like she smokes a pack a day. I love metaphors, similes and anything that brings you to your knees…

• John Mayer: Slow Dancing In A Burning Room
  He’s the ultimate douchebag, but he still makes great music. But if a boy ever told me he wanted to sell all his stuff and snort me, I’d probably run.

• Usher: Nice and Slow
  Girls are like cars — sometimes you need to warm ‘em up. Generally this means nicely & slowly.

• Nine Inch Nails: Closer
  There’s nothing sexier than saying, “I wanna F-you like an animal.” Seriously. Go try it, and then tell me the results. If she slaps you, it means she really REALLY likes you.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Except women can smell the putrid scent of desperation from miles away. It’s bad business sense to ask an investor who turned you down: “Thanks for your time…but can you recommend  some of your other rich friends that would be interested in this venture?”

Sames goes for dating. Why in the world would you ask a person who just turned you down: “Thanks for your time…but can you recommend some of your other hot friends to me?” If you’re a cool cat, I’ll suggest that anyway. But the reason I probably said no in the first place is because you came off creepy & douchey. Asking me to set you up with my hot friends just confirms the fact you’re both. Don’t do it!

Last week, I received a polite email in my inbox for a guest blog! And here’s the twist, I actually went on a couple of dates with the boy awhile back. I wrote about his bad manners here, but that’s because he’s wrote about me first here. It’s all water under the bridge…so, read my guest blog over at gkdating.com.

Want a guest blogger on your site? Feel free to email me!