I hear of sucess stories to online dating everyday — there’s even one in my family. Match tells me “It’s okay to look”. Eharmony advertises that everyday an average of 236 singles marry a match they found through their services. It’s even Lindsay Lohan’s site of choice after her nasty breakup. Maybe it’s all the great advertising that pushed me into it.

After my last post on rapists and serial killers, you’ll understand I’m not going to jump at every random message that appears in my mailbox telling me that I’m some combination of funny-sexy-cute. But I’m a sucker for witty words, funny banter, and clever repartee full of sexual innuendo — most girls I’ve met are. That’s why Penthouse forums is actually written for women, because all the pretty photos are for the men. So, when a mild-manner engineer boy, messages me repeatedly and we exchange enough words to fill a mini novel, it was time to take things to the next level — meeting in person!

I bent one of my personal first date rules for this soiree and agreed to have dinner at a cute little Italian place that has a nifty question mark at the end of its name. The restaurant would be neutral territory — like Switzerland, located in a city equidistant for both parties. I thought we’d have a lot to talk about since we had furiously emailed back and forth for the past week. I gave him my crest kid brilliant smile and tested the conversation waters, “How was your day?” He replied, “Good.” I waited patiently for his conversation 101 skills to kick in. He could have easily tossed the same question I asked back to me. So, after counting to three in my head, in case he was one of those types who crafted sentences before speaking, I forged ahead pretending he did ask me the same question…and this was the tone for the rest of the night. For every story I told, I ran into a wall of monosyllabic answers. Sometimes he’d mix things up a bit and stare for a few minutes. Where was the quick wit, the dry humor, the personality?!? I silently cursed myself for bending my no dinner first date rule, and practiced smiling with my eyes for the rest of the evening.

As far as dates go, this one was excrutiatingly bad. And this was already giving online dating a second chance. Round one ended shortly after noticing he used a stock photo for his online profile. ‘Nuff said.