When I’m sick up to my eyeballs (my left one in particular this time around) and the doctor has prescribed lots of bed rest, I often resort to catching up on a lot of television that I’m usually too busy to watch. One that caught my eye these past few days centers around an aggressively strong Jewish matchmaker woman. She has the uncanny ability to ask questions that tell much more about the person than face value. One of her favorite questions she likes to suss out her clients with: “Who’s your dream guy/girl in Hollywood?”

The answer that drives me up the freakin’ wall, ’round the corner and out the door is when men answer, “Angelina Jolie.” Her photo should be next to the word anomaly in the dictionary…or outlier. They choose her because she’s a sex-fiend-bad-girl with tattoos, that just happens to love to take care of other people’s children in a Mother Teresa kinda way. It’s not like I don’t believe unicorns exist, I just haven’t seen one in person. I know people out there say, “Don’t settle! Reach for the stars! Nothing less than perfect!” I’m going to be blunt but the reason that Angie can house her own little United Nations is that she’s loaded. She’s got one nanny per child. She fully dedicated in a relationship that isn’t legally bound because both parties are money. This is very very very rare.

Actually, I know parents that stay away from ink when they have children. The reason? You’re not allowed to donate your blood for a year after a new tattoo. They’d rather have the option to give their children blood, an organ, or whatever for those “just in case” moments.