I am done being the backup girl. It’s the one you call when your first option isn’t available. So, I’m left with last minute dates, spur of the moment invitations, all wrapped under the guise of being spontaneous. But something’s off when it’s Rocky Road ice cream for dessert, and it’s no mystery that I hate nuts.

Among my friends, I’m known for being the laid-back let’s kick it kinda girl. People have no problem ditching me for better pastures in last minute situations because I’ll understand. After the third time in a row, I’m kinda miffed. But this happens in my life more times than I care to admit, so I must come off as a doormat. Please take your shoes off at the door. Here’s the truth. It takes heaps of practice to make it look this easy. Behind my bambi-like anime eyes, I am scheming and plotting a revolution.

So, don’t effing call me to flirt on the phone because you actually need to practice for the other girl you’d like to date. Don’t tell me you’d like me to fly to visit you in the next state over and then hookup with your high school sweetheart a couple weeks later. Don’t text message me to see if I’m in the area so I can swing by. Most importantly, do not lead me on if I’m just going to be the backup girl. Because that’s one title you can shove up your ass.