For the most part, I have a pretty good idea of how others view me. It’s a mix of rainbow light, crazy emotionally attached, girl that loves bread. But I get really confused when my core friends describe me in ways that don’t mirror the same adjectives I’d use to describe myself. Because if my close friends don’t understand me, then how can the rest of the world?!?

This past weekend I rounded up a gaggle of old college friends. As we were catching up on each others’ lives, I realized that I’m nearly in the same place I started years ago. I’m back to my same weight except now, with a slightly better wardrobe.

At the end of the night, one of my bread buddies volunteered to walk me back to my car. It wasn’t difficult to find, I was parked next to a church, under a gigantic lighted neon blue cross. Under its spotlight glow, I confessed to him that I was losing faith — in the entire dating process. Because there’s a boy I’ve been dating on and off for the past several months. Except we’re going nowhere; every date is like the third date and he’s thoroughly happy being a noncommittal singleton. So while I got into my car and turned up the heat to warm my hands, I thought carefully about the next words I’d say to him:

I’m going to walk away from you while I still can. Because right now, I only think about you every other moment in the day. And if it gets to the point where you consume all my thoughts, I don’t think I’ll be able to walk away as intact as I am right now.

So there I was, losing my religion, in front of a life-sized figurine of Mary and Joseph. How ironic.