Conversation on 3rd and Townsend
I’m coming out of a wine bar in SOMA on a nothing special kinda Friday night. Heavy footsteps echo behind me so I quicken my pace. As I wait for the light to change, I hear a voice:
Him: Filipino women are very beautiful.
Me: That’s nice…if I was Filipino.
Him: Ahh…well…mixed race women as well…
I’m entertained at his faux pas, and let him continue to shove his foot in his mouth.
Him: Are you a racer?
Me: No, I just pretend to be one sometimes, for fun.
Him: Oh well…I was asking because my friend is an Indy 500 racer. I attended this past year and sat in the $10,000 box. I also own property nearby, but I’m renting right now in Walnut Creek because I haven’t found new renters in this economy…I sell real estate for a living, it’s quite lucrative with all the foreign money from other countries.
I hold back the eye-roll moment at the explicit mention of a big number, high-roller lifestyle. My pause in conversation signals to him that he’s slowly drowning. He whips out the big guns:
Him: You know…you’re very beautiful.
Me: Thank You. 
It’s difficult to purposely not smile when any slice of bread tells you that you’re beautiful. I know it’s generic, but they’re still magical words — effective when used once and insincere when used repeatedly.
Him: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: I’m in between boyfriends at the moment.
Him: May I have your number?
Me: Another time.
Him: I sense you’re getting cold feet?
I examine my own breath, as I exhale deeply into the air:
Me: It’s a very cold night.
Him: I respect and understand your decision. It’s been wonderful chatting with you…
Even douchey lifestyle-dropping not-right-for-me bread can be respectful. I had no idea the two could mutually coexist.
Why say “another time” when what you really mean is “no”? I mean, everyone understands you mean no, but why dress it up? A simple, polite no is fine.
i know, big brother…no works too. but sometimes as the conversation is happening, i’m still processing what was said in the beginning. kinda like eating, takes 15mins for the brain to know the tummy is full. this entire conversation…under 15mins.
I’m just shocked — shocked, that you found a slimy REALTARD(R) who was both clueless and superficially polite. I think that subspecies of douche has mastered the dichotomy of character. Maybe that’s the exit exam for placing “, GRI” after your name.
ok ok chris. so when i rack my brain and think about it, i should have known this specialty type of bread exists too! so where’s the artisan bread or double-fiber bread (i just learned this kind exists last night!)…the kind that’s really really good for you. because i believe that’s the type people should want to find in friends & relationships — those who help you become the best version of yourself.
Viv,
I admire your ability to maintain your faith in the existence of artisan or double-fiber bread in the face of douche-chills like this one.
Also, redundancy in speech comes a close second to cliches re: things that make me want to punch people in their brain, and this one’s a doozie: “I sell real estate for a living, it’s quite lucrative with all the foreign money from other countries.”
Is this kind of bread the Metamucil fiber wafers that you only eat if you want to go poop?
no silly, there’s really double-fiber bread! and let’s be british…those metamucil fiber wafers become much more chic when they’re called digestive biscuits!
Love the cold feet reply. At least he realized he had crossed into the land of diminishing returns and left without causing a stir.
Oh wow! What a fellow . . . I dated someone who was into real estate sales . . . it did not end well. A fun story for a later time, though. This guy sounds like a real piece of work . .
yes robyn…but then again…what in the world of dating qualifies as “ending well” these days. marriage? friends? not running into the douchebag every time i go out?!? hmmm…
Touche! “Ending well” for that relationship would have been a mature, clean break – with the possibility of being friends. Maturity wasn’t high on his list of priorities and we’re definitely not friends. LOL.