The candles are lit and I smell like I just rolled through a lavender field while  smeared in pumpkin pie — the chosen arousal scents for men. THIS is where the magic happens and all I’m missing is the music. Everyone’s got their own groovin’ mixtape and there’s a bunch of bread online that tells you what they think a girl would like to hear.

I’m going to tell you what this girl likes to hear :: boom chicka bow-wow ::

• Alannah Myles: Black Velvet
  This song is sexy, sultry, and her voice sounds like she smokes a pack a day. I love metaphors, similes and anything that brings you to your knees…

• John Mayer: Slow Dancing In A Burning Room
  He’s the ultimate douchebag, but he still makes great music. But if a boy ever told me he wanted to sell all his stuff and snort me, I’d probably run.

• Usher: Nice and Slow
  Girls are like cars — sometimes you need to warm ‘em up. Generally this means nicely & slowly.

• Nine Inch Nails: Closer
  There’s nothing sexier than saying, “I wanna F-you like an animal.” Seriously. Go try it, and then tell me the results. If she slaps you, it means she really REALLY likes you.